slightly paranoid
by Matt Morano

Bunny

So, Kristen and I were this close to moving to Bremerton, Washington in three weeks—September 21. Unfortunately the apartment we had lined up was swooped up by someone else while we were sending back the paperwork. I had already spoke to the store manager of the Poulsbo Home Fucking Depot, and he told me that a job at his store was ready for us. Shit, I’d even be getting a raise.

But it was not to be.

We were going to stuff the kitties in back seat of the Hyundai, and just fucking drive. The cost of shipping our shit 3,000 miles was taken care of, too.

So close. So fucking close

Both of us are done here. Done with Long Island. Save for getting considerably higher-paying jobs, we simply cannot afford to live here. And living apart from each other sucks balls. Like, really big, hairy balls. There’s really no joke I can say that would hide the fact that I want to live with her, like now. And being in this house without my mom is just too depressing. I just need to get out, now.

We’ll keep trying. Hopefully it won’t be too long. Also, I found the perfect family dentist practice for Kristen and I. Judging by the photo of Allan Hablutzel DDS—who I’m guessing is one of the two creepy guys in the above image—I just know my smile will be their top priority.

humansofnewyork:

"Do you remember the saddest moment of your life?""Probably sitting at the kitchen table with my dad, an hour after my mother died, realizing we had to figure out what we were going to do for lunch."

humansofnewyork:

"Do you remember the saddest moment of your life?"
"Probably sitting at the kitchen table with my dad, an hour after my mother died, realizing we had to figure out what we were going to do for lunch."

Purple Monkey Dishwasher

Bleachers - I Wanna Get Better

*

I’m sorta embarrassed that I like this song…


I think I’ll take a seat right here

I think I’ll take a seat right here

(Source: awwww-cute, via goodassdog)

West Coast Represent

Katy Perry: E.T.

I like it. It’s catchy. So eat shit and fuck off.

*

So, the backyard tiki wedding next year? Not happening. Kristen and I will be leaving Long Island much much sooner than previously expected. In about 4-months or so, we’re going to pack the kitties in the car and drive across the country to Washington and never look back. The only detour will be in Las Vegas to get married. I’m pretty excited. I mean, I’ll go to fucking China if it means being with this girl. Don’t know how the cats would like it in China though.

But really, fuck Long Island. It’s just too expensive to live here.

The plan is to save like fucking crazy people until then. So, in other words, no more fun. Well, that’s not entirely true. We’re going to Massachusetts for a few days next month for my birthday. So, that’s going to be fun. But that’s it. Apart from those few days, it’s all going in the bank and not being touched. Four days alone with her will be quite fun though.

Both of us are going to transfer our jobs to the Home Fucking Depot in Silverdale, Washington. It won’t be an issue for her because they always need more service desk help. But, me? Well, who knows if that store would take on an extra full-time Puller or, fuck, even Lumber associate. I’ll take whatever I can get. Paint, hardware, flooring, whatever. Our jobs transferring over is extremely important because we’ll need to begin making money immediately. Plan B is for the two of us to sell sex. Plan C a 4-piece crime-fighting team comprised of us and the cats. Trust me, I’ve got this shit all figured out.

There’s so much shit to get sorted out before doing this. It’s all making me extremely nervous, but at the same time, I’m so excited to leave with her. Plus, she’s done this cross-country move twice before, so that helps.

The Mean Streets of Port Jeff Station will become a lot less meaner. Bitches.